Post by Motown Honey on Dec 18, 2008 22:35:30 GMT -5
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go
next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's
rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So
drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every
sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it
on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're
made with skim milk or whole milk.. If it's skim, pass.
Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an
automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in
an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going
to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for
free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as
many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave
them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple , Pumpkin, Mincemeat .
Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat,
have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When
else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day ?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't
been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry,
January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to
live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate
in one hand, body thoroughly used up,totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!
1. Avoid carrot sticks. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go
next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's
rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So
drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every
sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it
on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're
made with skim milk or whole milk.. If it's skim, pass.
Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an
automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in
an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going
to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for
free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as
many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave
them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple , Pumpkin, Mincemeat .
Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat,
have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When
else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day ?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't
been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry,
January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to
live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate
in one hand, body thoroughly used up,totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!